How to attract the best people in the universe
I suppose there’s no need to state the obvious, but there’s nothing fun about being chronically ill. Or sick for a day, even. Sure, we can delude ourselves, or believe the positivity mantras we repeat. But at the end of it all, everyone prefers to have a healthy body that actually works the way it’s supposed to. While there are no benefits to being sick, we do attract the best kinds of people in the world.
I mean, who else would want to hang out with us if we’re not providing any sort of benefit to them? Others think about you less than you imagine. Let’s see what we don’t have to offer 😉
Nope. No spare cash to be anybody’s sugar daddy or mummy. Most likely no savings either. My hope is to die in peace before I reach retirement age, so that this problem resolves on its own. I’m sure there are others with chronic illnesses who think the same way. Although having said that, life can be quite the joker, and we may just outlive everyone else 😉
Money is a huge game changer. Without it, a large portion of superficial friends and partners drop out of the game from the get-go. Now wasn’t that easy? 😉
Fun Times and Wild Nights
I hate to break this to you, but we’re not that fun to be around 🙁 Worst case scenario — you’ll have to call an ambulance and pack us off to the ER. Best case scenario — you catch us on that rare, good day, and we behave like normal people! But all this socialising takes a lot out of us, so we’d probably go M.I.A. for the next week or two.
Boring Travel Buddy
Want me for a travel buddy instead? Well unless you enjoy going at an ‘extremely leisurely pace’, you might end up hating me for ruining what could have been a blast. All those sleep ins and constant breaks I need, can be frustrating for anyone who would like to see and do it all.
Neither am I a trekking buddy, and I can no longer rough it out like I used to. Sleeping on a mattress on the floor makes me ache these days. You will need to be alert and know the emergency drills, in case I lapse into a seizure, get a blood clot, etc. Hey, at least you’d have a memorable story to tell, no? 😉
There was this book on long-term relationships that my partner and I tried to discuss once. We had to skip many chapters because they weren’t applicable to our unique dynamic. Stuff on financial contributions, investments, healthcare, career goals, etc, only drew a blank from both of us. This book was for the average, healthy couple who didn’t have any big issues to deal with for the moment.
The whole concept of ‘equality’ or ‘feminism’ doesn’t work here either. People with chronic illnesses need more help to manage life, whether they like it or not. It can be unfair to our partners when the household chores become an equation of 80/20, rather than a 50/50. Or if the income ratio tilts out of balance to a 100/0. But life is seldom neat and tidy, and isn’t measured by material goods or efforts. (Read: “4 Cool Truths My Partner Said, Unwittingly”).
How do you define ‘fair contribution’, when good health becomes the ‘privilege’? How do you calculate effort when we didn’t begin running from the same starting line? A concept of equity makes more sense in life, because no two persons are alike. Every relationship has different goals and needs, and it’s about finding a balance. Even healthy people in relationships have to give and take to make things work.
Sorry but most of us are unable to socialise much, if at all. If we get any spare energy, we spend it on grocery shopping or cleaning up our house. You know, normal everyday stuff. If you’re looking for work or social connections to give you a boost in life, we aren’t the most useful tools in the shed.
We Do Have an Interesting Life Story – Does That Count?
It’s hard work being our partner or friend, isn’t it?! Our bodies are demanding little creatures with a life form of their own. They sure know how to throw a tantrum, and it can be near impossible to control them. But I’m learning how to love my body despite its faults and flaws. How can I be proud of a flaw, you ask? In this case, I look at them as scars upon my soul. Each of them bears an interesting story, or a nugget of wisdom. If there’s one thing we do have, it’s an interesting life story.
About the Small Handful of People Who Chose to Stay
The small handful of people who has chosen to stick around do so out of their own accord. They see value in me as a fellow homo sapien, and enjoy my company for what it is. They’re not twisting me about with their fingers, judging my worth.
These are the best kinds of people in the whole universe. Yes, the universe! There are billions of people on earth with many different characteristics. I would rank their personalities in the top percentile of humanity. They are generous, caring, thoughtful, selfless and beautiful. They put in effort to keep in touch despite their busy schedules, and my constant absence from social events.
How Exposing Our Vulnerabilities Lead to Real Human Connections
Living with chronic illnesses leaves you fragile and vulnerable most of the time. My weaknesses are more exposed, and I couldn’t hide certain facts even if I wanted to. It is this vulnerability that enables real human connection, as it stirs empathy from deep within us. These are the people who are willing to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They are able to relate on an emotional level, even if they’re not suffering in a physical sense. And you don’t have to worry that they’re doing this out of pity, because sympathy has a short attention span. Empathy however, has amazing stamina.
So there you have it. To attract the best kinds of people in life is to be vulnerable. By this I don’t mean that you should be a pushover, but to be open with your flaws, weaknesses and life situation. It’s about being humble enough to reveal the raw fragility of your humanity. It can be embarrassing to share your ‘foolish’ dreams, hopes or ‘stupid’ struggles. Yet this vulnerability is what tugs at the heartstrings of life, a bugle call for the best within us to show up.